i can't keep up with my own life anymore. something's missing, but i don't know what it is! mebbe if i spend less time here talking abt it and more time doing sth abt it, i'll get somewhere. hah. somewhere along the way, i changed. for better? for worse? and what do i do now? go back to the way i used to be? how? move on from here? how? i desperately need to start over, relive my life. mebbe that's why i wanna go US so bad. and either something is wrong with my aircon or something is wrong with me cos i set the stupid thing to 22 degrees and i actually still perspire. how ridiculous is that. i also dropped 1 hairband into the sea (don't ask), and misplaced 2. now i'm hairband-less and irritated. twice, i let myself be vulnerable, only to find out that i was the prelude. which stupid fool will do it a third time? hmm, just cos i don't mention some things here, doesn't mean they aren't important to me. some things are just better kept in the heart. like sunday with yuying. :) yummy potato salad, finding out that smoked salmon doesn't taste as bad as i imagined, rushing a carrot cake, getting the best seats in the house. now isn't it ironic how i've gone and mentioned it anyway. was rather scared i wouldn't be able to answer eunice's questions today for econs tuition, but as i talked the stuff just came back to me. still have lots to brush up on though. if i wanna be an econs tuition teacher, i really need to know everything at the tip of my fingers! dare i say my life is empty? where am i heading? i wonder how many times i've felt like crumbling, crying, but i just smile instead. so here's something i found in my file (when i was sorting it out for tuition) that i wrote in 2002:
stop this, stop it all.
freeze time and let me
walk through it.
let me find that point
when i smiled,
when i laughed,
with you.
when i felt
you.
let me go back there
to find the pieces i left behind
of my heart, of me
gather them up with me, please
then let me leave you, whole again
and i'll unfreeze time
and move on.
rae's to-do list!
i don't feel like doing anything. bleh.
rae's driving schedule >Trial Test - 25/26 April >Basic Theory Test - 28 April >Practical 1 - 30 April >Practical 2&3 - 1 June >Practical 4 - 3 June >Practical 5&6 - 4 June >Practical 7&8 - 7 June >Practical 9 - 8 June >Practical 10 - 9 June >Practical 11 - 10 June >Practical 12 - 11 June >Practical 13 - 6 July >Practical 14 - 8 July >Practical 15 - 9 July
>Final Theory 1 - 19 July
>Final Theory 2 - 19 July
>Final Theory 3 - 20 July
>Final Theory 4 - 21 July