so anyway, i'll save all the cryptic crap and just come right out and say that i'm feeling rather depressed. went back to the SIA doc yesterday after work (the nurses totally pissed me off - but that's another story) and got a confirmation that indeed i do have rare disease X. it's just hard to accept i guess. that after so many years feeling perfectly fine, never having any health problems, i actually have this stupid disease X. the best part is they aren't able to identify the cause. brilliant doctors. needless to say i felt quite lost and..depressed after hearing the news. i crossed over to esprit and bought myself some new clothes, haha. i've never been an impulsive buyer, but yesterday it just felt good. got ma to pick me up and broke down in the car. it's hard to keep out all the negative thoughts. i refused to do anything yesterday except bum around and watch tv. i think ma knew how i felt too, cos she just let me rot instead of nagging at me to do something constructive. now i have to pop 2 pills every morning. there are alternative treatments Y or Z but they involve alot of needles so i'm gonna steer clear of them. but hey guess what, i skipped the pills this morning. *shrugs* i know alot of you will become very concerned when you read this - thanks guys, i really appreciate it. but please don't bug me about it, if you're meant to know, you'll know. everything just sounds very negative now cos, duh, i'm feeling rather negative. but hey it prob isn't as bad as i'm making it out to be (i hope) and i'll be cheery and positive again soon. :)

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