desperate.|24.06.04|5:36 pm
i really don't know what i'm doing with my life. can somebody save me? i complain about the lack of time but i'm pretty sure i have more freakin' time than most other people. every day i wake up/come home and walk around blankly, aimlessly. i try to do something, but lethargy draws me to the tv. i watch show after show after show, some of which i have absolutely no interest in. and when i bore of that, i move to the bed and sleep. you can't even begin to imagine the amount of effort and willpower that went into getting myself to type this out; the number of times i opened this window only to stare at it for awhile before closing it. while i'm doing all this (if it can actually be considered as "doing" something), my room is in a state of ruin. i tell my parents it's an "organised mess" but frankly, i don't know where anything is anymore. i have a visa that i urgently need to do something about if i don't want to jeopardise my going to university. i have cpf forms that i was supposed to submit eons ago and 3 (or is it 4?) warning letters from cpf for not submitting them. i have medical check-ups i'm supposed to go for by (when is the deadline?) for both the uni and the scholarship. i have an internship that starts in 10 days which i know zilch about. and i'm leaving singapore in SIXTY FIVE days - which sounds like a long way away but trust me, is NOT. i have specs to be made, shoes to be bought, a script (almost 2 months overdue) to write. i have friends to meet up with. i need to maximise every single minute i have left (gosh i sound like i'm dying). the days come and the days go and i fill up my diary with events - who i'm meeting, where, what time. but i'm just floating from one event to the other. i'm afraid, so afraid, that if i don't get my act together i'm going to carry this.. - i don't even know what it is - lost-ness? over to the US. and that will surely be the end. i will spiral downwards in a foreign country where no one's hands will be long enough to reach me. i am aware of all this, and i want so desperately to change. but how?
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on my mind
i'll sing Your praises forever/deeper in love with You/here in Your courts where i'm close to Your throne/i've found where i belong |
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in my heart
For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? --Luke 9:25 |
with my love
barnabas chamber chengyee dalglish debbie edward eikfeng esther jonathan karen li-ou natalie stefanie wenen zachary zhu design diaryland past
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of my life
rae's to-do list!i don't feel like doing anything. bleh.
rae's driving schedule |
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to my past
new home. - 01.09.04whoa. - 26.08.04 what came over me. - 18.08.04 too soon. - 12.08.04 :D - 10.08.04 |