rambling on the first of april at 1.23am|01.04.04|12:43 am
finally found the source of the ants on my table - a packet of dark chocolate malteesers (how do you spell the damn thing) which were eaten (and finished) on 19th march. yeah i know you're all going EWWWWWWWW. hey it's not my fault! it was nicely hidden in a bag containing photocopies of my certs for scholarship applications. how was i to know! hahaha. so anyway i think that's a clear enough sign that i seriously need to get down to packing my table, room, cupboards, everything!! gah. it's funny how my weeks always are FREE before they come. like on friday/saturday i tell pple "hey i'm free the whole week! i've got nothing planned!" but then come sunday night suddenly oh my monday's taken up. then the rest of the days just magically fill themselves up. and i'm left with hardly any time at home to get things done around the house. hmm. hmm. i don't know. and i STILL haven't started my driving lessons. argh. i keep waiting, cos i want EVERYTHING to be done and over with (i.e. uni stuff, scholarship stuff, etcetc) before i start getting my life in order, but they just won't end. one scholarship interview, then another. oh. university update: berkeley just had to go and spoil my so-far-perfect record of acceptances. bah. heh. but i thank God and praise God and all glory goes to God. definitely. i'm ranting (or have you not noticed). i need something. a campaign or sth. remember how i used to have get-your-life-in-order campaigns and stuff to motivate myself. need to do sth abt that now. i'm so unmotivated. LAZY. that word has been thrown at me by quite a few pple, and i have to agree with them. when did i become so LAZY! gah. you know it's weird how we never seem to be able to pinpoint when things start, but it's always so clear when they end. i mean, in everything! like relationships, or things to do with yourself like slipping standards, or changes of interest, etcetc. so. aghblahblaharghhhhh. heh. you know what i'm feeling? i'm feeling weeeeeird. not myself. i have totally morphed into something i don't even recognise anymore. so now i'm thinking should i just accept that i've changed and work with that, or should i desperately try to find back the old me. today's april 1st. i should let this be, like, my NEW BEGINNING. how abt that. 1 april - rae LIVES again. not exist, but LIVE. god, pls give me the strength to really make this happen! i've tried so many times to get myself on my feet again and i just keep collapsing in a messy pile on the floor. i really, really, need this to work. -takes a deep breath- mebbe i should start with taking my bath. haha. ;)
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on my mind
i'll sing Your praises forever/deeper in love with You/here in Your courts where i'm close to Your throne/i've found where i belong |
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in my heart
For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? --Luke 9:25 |
with my love
barnabas chamber chengyee dalglish debbie edward eikfeng esther jonathan karen li-ou natalie stefanie wenen zachary zhu design diaryland past
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of my life
rae's to-do list!i don't feel like doing anything. bleh.
rae's driving schedule |
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to my past
new home. - 01.09.04whoa. - 26.08.04 what came over me. - 18.08.04 too soon. - 12.08.04 :D - 10.08.04 |